We Three Kings (Christmas)
A comedy sketch by Mikey J

I actually wrote this sketch in 1985 when I was a schoolboy.

INT. STABLE. BETHLEHEM. NIGHT.

MARY IS TUCKING IN BABY JESUS.
THREE KINGS TURN UP.

KING #1:
Hello. Is this the birthplace of Christ?

MARY:
Yes, that’s right, but we don’t want any visitors. I’ve just this minute got the b*gger off to sleep. For a while there, I thought he was going to have me up all night.

KING #1:
But we’re kings.

KING #2:
And we’ve brought presents.

MARY:
Oh, in that case, come in. What have you got for him?

KING #1:
I bring you gold.

MARY:
Thank you very much. That’ll come in very handy.

KING #2:
And I bring you frankincense.

MARY:
Ooh, good. I can cross that off Joseph’s Christmas list now. (TO KING #3) And what have you brought?

KING #3:
A book token.

THEY ALL FROWN AT KING #3.

ALL: (Except KING #3)
A book token?

KING #3:
Well, I couldn’t think of anything else to get him.

END