Sex Change
A comedy sketch by Mikey J

INT. DOCTOR’S CONSULTING ROOM. DAY.

A DOCTOR IS SITTING AT A DESK. A MAN ENTERS THE ROOM AND SITS OPPOSITE HIM.

MAN:
Hello, Doctor.

DOCTOR:
Hello. What can I do for you today?

MAN:
I’d like to become a woman please.

DOCTOR:
A woman?

MAN:
Yes, within the next half hour, if that’s not too short notice.

DOCTOR:
Don’t be silly. I can’t turn you into a woman within the next half hour.

MAN:
Why not? You’re a doctor, aren’t you?

DOCTOR:
Yes, but it’s not quite the same as giving you a vaccine, or cupping your b*ll*cks and getting you to cough when you come in with a headache.

MAN:
Isn’t it?

DOCTOR:
No. It’s a big operation.

MAN:
No, I doubt it. I’ve only got a small c*ck. Won’t take long just to lop it off.

MAN EXTENDS HIS LITTLE FINGER, WIGGLES IT ABOUT, THEN PERFORMS AN AMUSING SNIPPING SCIZZORS GESTURE WITH HIS OTHER HAND.

DOCTOR:
No, no, no. I meant it’s a major operation. Much more than just lopping it off. It would require months of hormone therapy, plus your p*nis would have to be cut open and turned inside out to make the… well… the womany bits.

MAN:
Ugh. Don't like the sound of that. Wait a minute. With an inside-out p*nis, how on earth would I urinate? I'd be literally p*ssing myself inside.

DOCTOR:
You’d urinate the same way all women do. The same place as they cr*p. Out of their a*ses. Don’t you know anything?

MAN:
Oh, I see.

DOCTOR:
Why on earth did you want to beome a woman in such short notice anyway? What’s the rush?

MAN:
Well, I was reading the lonely hearts page in my local newspaper. There was this guy that I wanted to date.

DOCTOR:
So, I take it you’re gay, then?

MAN:
No, I’m straight. He just sounded really nice, that’s all.

DOCTOR:
I see. Go on.

MAN:
Trouble is, he said in his advert that he was only looking for women, hence the reason I need to become a bird very quickly.

DOCTOR:
Oh, you silly oaf. If you’d have turned the page, you’d have found a section on women looking for men. You won’t need to have a sex change.

MAN:
(FOOLISH, RELIEVED LAUGH) Oh, I see. Silly me. Phew, that was close. Sorry to have troubled you, Doctor.

BOTH MEN STAND UP AND SHAKE HANDS.

DOCTOR:
Not to worry. Is there anything else I can help you with?

MAN:
Yes, I’ve got a bit of a headache.

THE DOCTOR CUPS THE MAN’S GROIN.

DOCTOR:
Okay, cough please.

END