Quantum Of Silliness (James Bond)
A comedy sketch by Mikey J

INT. BOND GIRL’S BEDROOM. DAY.

JAMES BOND ENTERS THE ROOM, CAUTIOUSLY HOLDING HIS GUN. THE BOND GIRL HAS HER BACK TO HIM.

JAMES BOND:
My name’s Bond. James Bond. It’s time for us to make sweet love.

BOND GIRL DOESN’T TURN AROUND. SHE HAS AN EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT.

BOND GIRL:
Mr Bond. I’ve been expecting you.

BOND GIRL TURNS AROUND. REPULSED.

BOND GIRL:
Ugh!

JAMES BOND:
(CONFUSED) What do you mean ugh?

BOND GIRL:
You’re a minger.

JAMES BOND:
Eh? I’m James Bond.

BOND GIRL:
Yes, but unfortunately you’re blonde, short and minging. Bond’s are supposed to be tall, dark and handsome. There’s no way I’m going to make love with you.

JAMES BOND:
But, we’ve got to. It’s what’s supposed to happen.

BOND GIRL:
I’m sorry, but I’m washing my hair tonight. I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment. I’ve been hurt so much in the past. Can’t we just be friends?

JAMES BOND:
But…. I’ve got a great personality.

BOND GIRL:
I’m sure you have, but that’s not enough.

BLOFELD ENTERS.

BLOFELD:
Ah, Mr Bond. My arch enemy.

JAMES BOND:
Blofeld. Do you expect me to talk?

BLOFELD:
No, Mr Bond. I expect you to die… your hair.

JAMES BOND:
Oh, bloody hell. Not you aswell.

END