Identity Crisis (the butterfly sketch)
A catepillar wakes up one morning to find he is a butterfly and hates it, as performed by the Behind The Bike Shed sketch troupe, London.

INT. FLAT - LOUNGE. MORNING.

BARRY, A CATERPILLAR (OBVIOUSLY A MAN DRESSED UP) IS SITTING ON THE SOFA, READING A MAGAZINE.

HIS FLATMATE TONY WALKS IN. HE IS A BUTTERFLY.

TONY:
Hey, hey, hey. Great party last night, Barry.

BARRY:
Yeah, it certainly w -

BARRY CUTS OFF MID-SENTENCE, GAWPING OPEN-MOUTHED AT TONY’S APPEARANCE - A RIGHT OLD WTF STARE.

BARRY:
What the bloody hell’s happened to you?

TONY:
(FROWNING) What do you mean?

AND THEN IT DAWNS ON BARRY (AND US) THAT TONY ISN’T AWARE THAT HE HAS CHANGED OVERNIGHT INTO A BUTTERFLY. HE CONTINUES TO STARE AT HIM, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY.

TONY:
(SUSPICIOUS) Barry. What are you staring at me like that for?

BARRY:
I think you’d better take a look at yourself in the mirror.

TONY:
Why, what’s the matter?

BARRY:
Just do it, Tony.

TONY ROLLS HIS EYES, HALF-HEARTEDLY STROLLING OVER TO THE MIRROR ON THE WALL. HIS MOUTH THEN FALLS OPEN. HE IS TOTALLY FLABBERGHASTED.

TONY:
Oh, my God! (TURNING TO FACE BARRY) What have you done to me?

BARRY:
(SURPRISED) What have I done?

TONY:
Yes, you. (WITH NARROWED EYES) Oh, I get it. Yeah. It’s revenge, isn’t it? For that time I shaved your eyebrows off.

BARRY:
Tony, it’s got nothing to do with me.

TONY:
Yeah? Then how do you explain it? I was a self-respecting caterpillar when I went to bed last night. But now, here I am, looking like some kind of transvestite fairy.

BARRY:
(SHRUGGING HIS SHOULDERS) I don’t know. Maybe it’s what happens when you get to a certain age.

TONY:
Oh, don’t talk so wet. I expected a few wrinkles to start making an appearance. And, if caterpillars had hair, I know I’d probably be going a bit bald by now. But this? (THEN STUDYING HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR) Oh, God. I’ll never be able to show my face at the cabbage patch again.

BARRY:
Oh, come on. It’s not that bad.

TONY:
Not that bad? Barry, I look like a poof. (MORE GAZING IN THE MIRROR) What am I going to do?

BARRY:
Well, one thing’s for certain. I’m going to have to ask you to move out.

TONY:
Why?

BARRY:
I’ve just started dating a new girlfriend. I don’t want her being put off by your weirdness.

TONY:
(SURPRISED AND HURT BY THIS) But Barry. We’ve been mates for years.

BARRY:
Well, yeah, we used to be close. But now I barely recognise you.

FX: THE DOORBELL RINGS.

BARRY:
That’ll be her now. Be a good chap and let her in on your way out.

TONY HANGS HIS HEAD LOW AS HE LEAVES THE ROOM. AHH’S FROM THE AUDIENCE PERHAPS?

BARRY RETURNS TO HIS READING, UNTIL -

TONY RE-ENTERS WITH BARRY’S GIRLFRIEND. SURPRISINGLY, SHE’S ALSO A BUTTERFLY.

BARRY:
(SHOCKED) Not you as well?

GIRLFRIEND:
Afraid so. (EYEING TONY, GRINNING) Funny thing is, all of a sudden, I feel really horny. I want to mate. Right now.

BARRY:
(HIS FACE LIGHTS UP) Ooh. Perfect timing.

GIRLFRIEND:
(SCORNFUL) Not with you, you freak. (THEN THROWS TONY SERIOUS SHAG-ME EYES) I meant with your mate.

BARRY:
(AGHAST) What?

TONY AND BARRY'S GIRLFRIEND CAN’T KEEP THEIR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER.

GIRLFRIEND:
Mmmm! Take me to bed, you sexy beast!

TONY:
With pleasure. (THEN TO BARRY, GRINNING) Hey, Barry. I think I’m going to like the new me. See you later.

A VERY SEXED-UP TONY AND BARRY'S GIRLFRIEND HURRIEDLY LEAVE THE ROOM.

BARRY IS ABSOLUTELY SPEECHLESS.