Fish Out Of Water
A silly shop sketch.

INT. PET SHOP. DAY.

SHOPKEEPER IS BEHIND A COUNTER. A CUSTOMER ENTERS.

SHOPKEEPER:
Hello. Can I help you, sir?

CUSTOMER:
Yes. I’d like a fish out of water, please.

SHOPKEEPER:
(NONPLUSSED) A what?

CUSTOMER:
A fish out of water. A bit like the ones you have in that tank over there. But out of water.

SHOPKEEPER:
But, sir. There’s no such thing as a fish out of water.

CUSTOMER:
Yes, there is. I’ve heard it mentioned loads of times.

SHOPKEEPER:
(EMBARRASSED SMILE) Ah. I do believe you’re confusing a marine creature with a popular figure of speech. You know, like cod philosophy, or plenty more fish in the sea.

CUSTOMER:
All right. I’ll have one of each, please.

SHOPKEEPER:
One of each what?

CUSTOMER:
A cod philosophy and a plenty more fish in the sea.

SHOPKEEPER:
I haven’t got any.

CUSTOMER:
Then, why mention them?

SHOPKEEPER:
They were just examples.

CUSTOMER:
Examples of what?

SHOPKEEPER:
Figures of speech.

CUSTOMER:
Are they fish?

SHOPKEEPER:
What?

CUSTOMER:
Figures of speech.

SHOPKEEPER:
No! Look, I’ve got a fish in water. How about that?

CUSTOMER:
Errm. Hasn’t really got the same ring to it. I’d set my heart on a fish out of water.

SHOPKEEPER:
Sorry. Can’t help you there.

CUSTOMER:
Actually, I’ve decided. I don’t want a fish anymore. What else have you got?

SHOPKEEPER:
Well, I’ve got a snake in the grass, a sick as a parrot, a dog eat dog, a bull in a china shop, and a partridge in a pear tree.