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INT. SHOP. DAY.

THE SHOPKEEPER IS BEHIND THE COUNTER. A CUSTOMER ENTERS AND WALKS OVER TO HIM.

CUSTOMER:
Hello. I wonder if you can help me.

SHOPKEEPER:
(SHOUTING) No, I can’t, you daft apeth!

CUSTOMER:
(APPALLED) I beg your pardon.

SHOPKEEPER:
Ah. Let me explain, sir. I’ve just this minute returned from completing an anger management course.

CUSTOMER:
What? It couldn’t have been very good. You shouted at me as soon as I entered this shop.

SHOPKEEPER:
(SHOUTING) You deserved it, you stupid idiot!

CUSTOMER:
There you go again! If I were you, I’d ask for my money back.

SHOPKEEPER:
Ah, but this was a different type of anger management course. Most of them teach you to suppress your anger. But that’s the wrong way to go about it. I mean, where’s all that pent up aggression supposed to go? This course, however, taught me to channel my anger, and manage it properly.

A TEENAGE BOY ENTERS. HE PICKS A TIN OF BEANS FROM THE SHELF AND APPROACHES THE COUNTER.

SHOPKEEPER:
Allow me to show you what I mean. (THEN SHOUTING AT TEENAGE BOY) Stop stealing my stock, you thieving cretin!

THE SHOPKEEPER DRAWS A PISTOL AND FIRES A SHOT. THE TEENAGE BOY FALLS TO THE FLOOR, DEAD.

CUSTOMER:
(SHOCKED) Oh, my God! You shot him!

SHOPKEEPER:
Well, of course I did. What else was I supposed to do?

CUSTOMER:
Er... serve him?

SHOPKEEPER:
Don’t be so silly, sir. Can’t you see? It was perfectly managed anger. Just like the course taught me.

CUSTOMER:
But did you really have to shoot him?

SHOPKEEPER:
Yes. He was a shoplifter.

CUSTOMER:
No, he wasn’t! All he did was pick up a tin of beans!

SHOPKEEPER:
Which he was just about to put in his pocket.

CUSTOMER:
What?

SHOPKEEPER:
I know his sort, mate. Next thing you know, he would have scarpered out the door.

CUSTOMER:
He was walking towards the counter!

SHOPKEEPER:
See? That’s even worse. He was just about to rob the till.

CUSTOMER:
(SIGHS) Oh, I give up. Have it your own way. But you did you really need to insult me?

SHOPKEEPER:
Yes, I did. I can read faces, you see. I knew for a fact you wanted to buy a new shirt for a wedding.

CUSTOMER:
Well, yes, that’s correct, but was calling me a daft apeth and a stupid idiot really necessary?

SHOPKEEPER:
Yes, sir. This is a grocery store.